Wednesday, March 26, 2003

hello hello from america. this is a blog for andrew jones, who has been giving me grief me all day, even though I chauffer drove him to san antonio to pick up his green card, waited for an hour in the rain, and then drove him back again in a mahussive thunderstorm. apparently if I dont announce things on the blogging community they haven't really happened, so, andrew...
I'm going out with a *gorgeous* man called fran who I love to bits and today, weds 26 march, we've been going out a month! hoorah! (exactly why am I in texas at this particular time again?...)
NOW can I have a break please andrew?

Sunday, March 23, 2003

a huge download of teaching has occured during the past 2 days - all very exciting stuff about relationships and identity and I really want to get into it. I want o be free in being a woman - how many women doy ou know who are completely free and into it? or for that matter men who are completely released into being men? well not being free really pisses me off, so I'm getting excited about walking this one out. and it's so exciting to see people who rally are free, just think of the knock on effects to people who get to see that funky stuff...
(actual teaching rather than abstract image of it may be available soon!)

Saturday, March 22, 2003

well yesterday was a hard day, although full of blessings. it was all about having to trust God and lean into His promises and the foundations He is laying, not relying on the transitory, momentray things. my image of leaving community in sheffield behind is like standing on the edge of a cliff holding hands with the people, and then when they go you suddenly feel like you're teetering over the edge until you realise that it was God;s hand you were holding onto all along. does that make sense? so it's icky whilst you're in that arms flapping feeling like you're going to fall place, but then you turn around and hold onto God and remeber it was Him in the first place. not fun, but a very worthwhile process to go through.
sorry about all the spelling mistakes - i have no patience to reread and alter before posting. if this really bugs you - pray!
masses of love!

Thursday, March 20, 2003

well today is already a good day and it's only almost 10.30am.
I started today by speaking to my lovely man fran who has just bought a house round the corner from me (completely God's doing and answer to prayer) and to find out about caroline's miraculous healing of her ectopic pregancy. God just keeps doing amazing things.
I walked into town today to the university to get internet happy. there's an amazing peace in the university. the building I go to is off a big quad with trees and dappled sunshine and a fountain. it's just like walking into a haven where calm and peace and joy and beauty descend. I wonder what the history of the buildings and the university is as I'm sure there's a God connection.
I had quite a hard day yesterday, until I got real with God and admitted that I was feeling lonely and sad. I think when you admit how you are to God it's scary because it's completely vulnerable, He knows exactly how you are. it's kind of like the most intense eye contact you could imagine, but in a good full of emotions and love kind of way. I realised that being out here on my own away from communinty and close relationships, I needed to remember how to hold onto God again, how to seek His hand and reassurance rather than look to people around us to fill that gap. I'm glad I came to that point, even if it was nasty because it just reminded how empty even the bestand most exciting things can be if they dont have God in them too, if you don't know His love and light and life in what you are doing.
soon I'm going to the spider house to sit and chat and read. there's somuch to God's character and I want to know more about Him and be more present in my relationship with Him. Jesus promises that the holy spirit will tell us all about him and the father and about all truth (john 14:26 & 15:26)
sparkles and love on you, be blessed today...

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

well after a month's break, maybe this is the time to start blogging again...
I'm here in austin, texas, for 3 weeks including the wabisabi event/conference about [good and exciting] church and to spend some time out with the lord. I kind of understand why He stopped me from blogging - the past month or so of my life has been pretty hectic and full on and now I'm having a little time to sit back and relax and enjoy talking to god over coffee, sitting on park benches and soaking up sunlight, peace, teaching and love.
the neighborhood the appartment I'm staying in is great - lots of wooden houses painted bright colours - green and turquiose, porches and gardens with old sofas and chairs where people sit out and press their beer tops into the earth, chrome hub caps and fairy lights adorning the porches and beat up mustangs sitting outside on the road. take a walk down guadeloupe to get into town and go past community vegetable markets, vinatge clothing stores or the gym with a huge plastic arm lifting weights, veins popping out, advertising it's presence. past all my favorite coffee houses - spider house, painted purple and yellow with it's sunlight dappled back yard and old glider chairs to sit and swing on, - mojos, with it's quirky artisans concentrating on personal projects or sitting back chatting over iced mochas. I like austin and it's laid back vibe, plenty of shops to mooch in and out of looking at any variety of eye-candy goods.
god has been teaching me lots recetly and I hope to have time to reflect on it here. mostly it has been about faith and trusting in him. and a new kind of trust, not for the things which *you* think make sense, but for the things that *He* says make sense. not for the things you'd be happy with doing anyway, but for the things you find scary and really stretch your trust in Him. I took that step of trusting Him in the things I found most scary and I found after awhile that I could open my eyes again and stop screaming because, suprise, He's still trustworthy and still has good things for us. Even more so, I'm not sure I can think of a time in my life I've seen more direct and adundant blessings and the work of God. It's amazing. By releasing into His plans and giving Him my fears, the most wonderful things are happening. 'he guides me along right paths, bringing honour to His name' psalm 23:5 couldn't be more true at the moment - I have so much testimont to glorify God it's... oh I'm going to use that word again... AMAZING!
so from one who is getting a little bit dizzy on the blessings God has, I'm gonna go so I can calm down and, well to be honest, go buy a bikini! it may be raining in austin at the moment - but not for long!
(crikey,I hope I made *some* kind of sense)