Monday, December 23, 2002

life feels fresh and full of opportunities. each moment is precious and rich. our days can be full and meaningful if we let them be. if we stop doing the meaning-less. life is about getting round to living. not dreaming about dreams, but living them out. not settling for mundanity but seeking out the extraordinary. god sees my dreams and helps me go for them. I want to let Him help me. I choose to choose the best things in life. I choose to let God help me do it, or tomorrow this dream of mine falls flat. accept nothing less than the fullest taste of any moment so that we emerge the other side enriched. know who you are in the light. rejoice in who you are and let others see it. be a child of haven living in the kingdom of heaven and invite others in from this cold world around us. be blessed by the Lord who has only riches and good things for you. enjoy life. savour moments. leave your own story.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

lord of the rings. I'll save what I think about it for another time, but this quote from the second film was really profound for me:

'what do you fear?'
'to stay behind bars until use and old age have accepted them'

I wonder what bars we have ourselves that use has allowed us to grow accustomed to and not seek freedom from.

Monday, December 16, 2002

(softly and thoughtfully)
i've spent the past month on a journey wanting to know what it means to delight in the lord, and I've just come back to the beginning. unless we know that God delights in us, unquestioningly, then we dont know things have changed and are new. we dont have delight unless we know love and that love gives us hope. I'm dragged back and down by the thought that I haven't changed and can never change. but God says he delights in me and sees me as a new person even before I wake up each day. I can get all complicated and detailed about what it means to delight in the lord, but this is the smallest common denominator - God loves me and sees me as a delightful person full of amazing things. He said to me this morning 'you could get up and watch tv all day and you'd still be changed and a new person'. now automatically I'd quite like to add to that '...but of course there are more constructive things to do with your time'. but that isnt what God said. what's more constructive? trying to make yourself right with God by doing things to make yourself feel better, or getting to know that God delights in you and sees you as a new person even while you stumble?

we just watched 'life as a house' and this was at the end:
'I always thought of myself as a house. it didn't need to be big. it didn't even need to be beautiful. it just needed to be mine. i became what I was meant to be.'
god delights in who I am not what I do. the most important thing to do is be myself, whether that's happy or sad, angry or peaceful, bright or darkly coloured, reflective or proactive. I am most at one with god when I am myself and not trying to avoid myself. that's what I am learning with this time of no paid work. I am nothing if I not myself first. I think the most important thing may be to be myself and be with god. everything else comes from there.
and when the house is being itself, it is always beautiful.
I have to admit I am fascinated by the lord of the rings, and am stuck between the desire to be aragorn - a true warrior, and legolas - a mystic and healer, I even had an argument with neil at work about which one of us had the most right to be an elf. anways from bea and any's site I found this site which reveals my elvish name is alatariel elendil. spect it's pretty rubbish but I'd love to know what it means. so on wednesday I'm getting my hair done in my new warrior style for the two towers opening. I love that God's into everything that's in me, and one of them is a kick-ass warrior (like mr aragorn) and one of them is a mystic feeler type (like mr legolas) and God's really into me embodying those things. bring on wednesday and the kick-ass hair dying extravaganza!
we've just had a lovely afternoon with bea and the cliffords - ant, caroline and lovely little ben. ben decided to bless our carpet in his own special way! it was just lovely to have friends around and feel supported. I've been having a hard time recently and they're so lovely they phone and make you cry they're so caring - excelllent friends.

last night was party tastic, but by far the best part of the night was jazzanova at ponana's - I went dancing and it was just fantastic, praise the lord for expressing yourself in ways that just make your entire being overflow with joy. and amen to funky hats - picture to come soon, if I can sort it!

bless y'all with everything God has for his kids.

Friday, December 13, 2002

I've just had a thought - living with God is kind of like one of those platform computer games, if you play a good level you can save it and if you play a bad level you delete it and go back to a good level. mmm.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Lordy I'm not very good at this keeping up to date business. Ho-de-hee. (which means 'oh well, nevermind' btw). Reason for the lack of blogging I suppose is because there's been a lot on - personally and in the house. I feel a kind of heaviness in the house, almost too much so, but God is getting ready to birth something and He's not real specific about what - but His promise gives me hope and encouragement to stay in it and not get overwhelmed. And personally I feel a call the the more contemplative way of life - more time set apart for God, prayer, fasting and solitude. It feels more and more like time with God is the only time worth having, and unless I know His purpose in what I am doing then there *is* no purpose in what I'm doing. I guess it's spending more time in communion with Him.
The cellar is dragging on - the electrician needs encouragement and my wall clearing process has culminated in... hammer and chisel! Yep, the big bits get taken off the old fashioned way, and then I have this new beastly looking thing for my power drill that is to gritstone walls as a loofah is to dry skin! Now that there's a proper floor in there and less dirt, the space can be occupied a bit more so I'm looking forward to music as I work, and beginning to douse the space in the music that cracks open the doors of heaven for me - Youki and Stephen Roach.